What is real rape?


I guess part of the reason that we are on tumblr and the web is because we do not want to feel like we are alone.  Instead of going to group therapy, where you have to meet other people, you can just start a dialogue and get going.  I mean I hope that there are people out there who are reading this, that is why I am writing it.

The nice thing about tumblr is that you can track tags that will allow you to keep track of subjects that you want to discuss.  I am a very open person, well on the internet anyway, part of the reason I have been tracking tags it see what other people are saying about my various interests.

I was very disappointed to find in the “sexual abuse” tag that some anonymous users were basically attacking another user, and saying what she went through was not real rape, and was not as serious as what they went through.  They also said that she should move on and be over her “not real” rape by now.

This is extremely abhorrent to me, and here is why I think it should be abhorrent to you also:

The definition of rape varies from state to state in the USA, and around the world.  To me though rape is when you are forced into any type of sexual activity at all, either through manipulation so you think that it was your idea, physical force or restraint, or violent threat with a weapon of some kind.  By sexual activity I mean, being forced to touch another person in a sexual manner or being forced to touch yourself in a sexual manner.  These actions only have to happen one time, there is no fixed number that defines something as being rape.  Some people will disagree with me and say unless there was penetration of some kind (i.e., by human or other implement in to another human) than the act may simple be sexual assault.  That does not matter to me, that does not mean that the sexual assault victim is any less traumatized than the rape victim.

We all have different coping mechanisms.  So while it might take me a year to recover from a penetration acquaintance rape it might take someone else decades to recover from being forced to touch another person in a sexual manner.

Anyone who has experienced rape or sexual assault should never feel like they have the right to judge how another victim is handing their recovery.  Nor should they feel angry because someone else has recovered before they have.

Part of me feels bad about this, because I know that I am survivor, I know that I have recovered from my experiences.  The point of my start this blog was in no way to go around to other victims and rub my recovery in their face.  Nor is it say, well I went through all this, I have recovered so you should recover too.  I want to share my recovery process so that I can share the things that I found help.  Also, a part of me feels that I will still always be recovering.  My rape and child sexual abuse will always be a part of who I am and will always effect how I develop relationships with people.  But it is my hope that now that I know that about myself that I will be able to have healthier relationships with people.

Well that is all for now.  I hope I didn’t upset too many people.

Take care,

PS – Feel free to ask me any questions that you want, either anonymously or not.

PSS – I have to run into a meeting in a second so I haven’t had a chance to proof read this post. Sorry about that!!!

This was originally posted at http://damaged-girl.net/?p=311