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Anonymous:

So I have these two friends. Basically I feel like one of them used me to get close to the other. And I had to force friend B to talk to friend A in the first place. Now it feels like they have both dropped me and are always meeting in secret. It is hurting my self-esteem and really triggering my abandonment issues.

Hi there Anon!

I wish I had a good answer for this for you. Being adopted I completely understand abandonment issues. It is a hard thing to deal with and even harder to overcome because it is about telling yourself that you are good enough and not giving another person the power to make you feel bad about yourself. I think this is probably something that people who are not adopted deal with as well. Anyone can have abandonment issues for any reason.

I know that it might not feel like you can talk to either of your friends about it. I am sure that you probably feel like if you talked to them they would think that you were being clingy, needy, or overly sensitive. You should know that you have the right to feel whatever way you feel about it. Your emotions are your own and you should not be made to feel bad about them.

If you do decide to talk to them I would recommend using “I feel” statements. Those are very good because it helps you convey your emotions without assigning blame to the other person. That is really the only suggestion that I can give to you as far as how to deal with the situation and maybe come to some kind of resolution.

If you really absolutely feel like you cannot talk to them no matter what then I recommend surrounding yourself with things and people that make you feel good. Sometimes avoidance is solution, maybe not a healthy one but it might be the one that your psyche can handle at the time.

Good luck!

Laterz,
Laney