GYN Anxiety – Possible Trigger Warning


So I really should be eating my lunch right now. I mean, it’s right next to me and everything.  Instead I have decided to do this little blog update. Mostly because it is super hot in my building and I don’t know why but when it is super hot like this I can’t eat, or focus on anything for very long. So this entry will be short.

Anyone else out there have problems going to the gynecologist after their rape? Yeah, you are not alone. I never really had any issue as long as they do things quickly and just get it over with. But when they keep me waiting forever and want me to do urine samples and things like that. Well I am not a fan.

I bring this up because I really do feel like my last trip to the gynecologist set me back in my recovery/survivor-ness. I do not like to think of myself as a rape victim, I think of myself as a rape survivor, even though my blog lame and url might suggest otherwise.  Like I said before, I keep it because I like to think of it as reminder of how far I have come.

Anyway, now I’m going to have to go in for this procedure toward the end of February which I need to get done. I’m a little nervous about it because they told me the procedure was going to be one thing but gave me recovery information for a different procedure. And the procedure that the recovery information was for, well that is a lot more serious, at least according to the internet, and we know how reliable that is.  Part of me wants to call and clear things up, just for my piece of mind. The other part of me is just like, does it really matter, you need to get this done either way?

Of course this all plays into my anxiety disorder. Thank goodness for my medications because I think without them I probably would not be able to go get this done. I know, medication is not for everyone, and if you are able to function without, well personally I think it Is better.  I would really like to be off my medication and I kind of want to talk to my doctor about getting off it but I am afraid that if I did I would not be able to function.

Well that’s all for now. My next post is probably going to be much more wallowing in self pity because I feel the need to wallow. I think once I have done a good wallow I will get it out of my system and be able to just keep moving forward.

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