I was raped by my father when I was very little. The memories are not very clear and I’m afraid for them to become clear. That event is getting in the way of my sexual life: I was terrified when I tried using tampons and once I had a clinic exam where the nurse used a q-tip to take a sample and I felt like bursting into tears and the experience was painful. I’m not really into sex either: I wonder if I’m asexual or scared.
*hugs* I am so sorry that this happened to you. Having your father abuse you and rape you has undoubtedly effected your ability to use tampons and to go through medical examinations. The trust that you gave to your father, a person who is suppose to love you and is a figure of authority, was broken. This will make it difficult for you to trust someone else to treat that area of your body with any respect or care.
I do not know if you are still living with your father but if you are and you live in the USA you should try calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.4673. It is completely confidential and will be able to put you in touch with counselor in your area.
You are of course more than welcome to message me again. It is really important that you talk to someone. I hope that you are no longer being forced to be around your father. I can understand how difficult that situation can be. Again, please feel free to message me and please call the hotline.