So this past weekend I was social. Now, keep in mind I do not normally have social anxiety, that isn’t something that I struggle with. I do like to hang out with my friends. In fact about a month ago we all went on a girls weekend together, and that was great.
But sometimes, if you do not give me enough warning ahead of time I will say yes to a social event and even though I really do want to go being at said event drains the sh!t out of me. Especially when other people show up that I was not expecting. It doesn’t matter if I like them or not. I think it must have something to do with my GAD and PTSD together.
My GAD wants me to make sure that I know all the details of an event ahead of time, that way I feel like I have some control over the situation that I am going into. My PTSD however does not like it when things come up and surprise me and it kind of takes all of my energy to tell both of them to shut it so that I can have a nice time.
So what did I do all day Sunday after being social? I spent pretty much the whole day asleep. Which of course through of my sleep, I really only got 2 hours of sleep in and the whole time it was that “twilight” sleep. You know, the sleep where you know you are asleep and the something bad happens and you force yourself to wake up. I can’t even tell you how many times I forced myself to wake up last night (or technically early this morning).
Anyway, it is a work day so what do I do, I get a soda. I do not like coffee, but I needed the caffeine. It is kind of funny because I get a soda almost every morning, it is my coffee substitute. Only this morning my phone rang unexpectedly and sent my heart off racing. It pretty much hasn’t stopped since then.
I am pretty sure I have mentioned this in my previous posts about my recover and the hard time I had going through university, but the phone is one of triggers. I used to walk down a street and think that I would hear the phone ringing and basically start speed walking and then running to get away from it.
So of course today when the phone rang out of no where, my lack of sleep and caffeine triggered an anxiety attack. Oh goody. Only now I have two meetings to get through and I have no idea how I’m going to stay awake through them without caffeine. SMDH.
Well wish me luck! As always, feel free to send me any asks.