So as I promised I am here talking about the situation that has come up in the past month that has been bothering me; although because of the background I am going to give you we might not get to the actually situation until Wednesday. Why the background information, well I do not think I’ve ever gotten around explaining my current family situation. As a side note, before I start, both of my brothers, N and S, are my parents biological children.
My brother S (see previous posts) got married for the first time probably around 2003. I’m not really sure because at the time I was not living with my family, I was in Boston. The woman he married was in this country on a fellowship and seemed stable; she was studying to be a neurologist after all, we will call her Tanya. I got a slightly hinky feeling from her but they got married before I could say anything about it. About a year later my first niece, Trudi, was born. I fly down to Florida, where they were living at the time, to visit with them. Everyone was really excited because this was the first grandchild/niece in our family.
Anyway S, Tanya, and Trudi went back to Tanya’s home country, she had to because of the type of visa that she had. After they got back there things went from not so good to super awful for S very quickly. My parents did not tell me everything that was going on but enough for me to be shaking my head. Then when my parents redid their will I told them I was glad that they wrote it so that Tanya would not be in control of S’s inheritance. They got really upset with me but I told them that I did not trust her. The whole reason my parents were re-doing their will was due to the international travel they would be doing. They wanted to make sure everything was in order before they left the US for two months. I do not know why, I think they are morbid.
Well, a month into their two month stay with S and Tanya my Mom called me crying and told me that I did not have come to visit if I did not want to. Apparently Tanya and her family were being awful to my parents. They blamed everything that they did not like about S on my Mom, and Tanya’s family did not like anything about S, at all! Not that I can blame the, S can be a brat but no one talks to my Mom like that. Even though I was not looking forward to the trip at all N and I got on the plane and we went for our weeklong visit. Things went okay and I think it helped my Mom out that we were there.
A few months later Tanya and S came back to the US because Tanya was doing interviews for a job. There was a lot of tension to say the least. The weirdest part was that Tanya did not want S to go to my grandmother’s 90th birthday party. Eventually she said okay. However, while we there she called S and told him not to come back and that she would be shipping his stuff back to our parents’ house.
The last time I saw Trudi she was not even 2 years old, she had started walking. I am still heartbroken about this. I am sure S is probably more heartbroken about this than I am. However, my abandonment issues from my adoption makes the whole thing hit me really hard. I wanted S to fight, to get custody of Trudi, however he really could not have. He did not have a job, anywhere to live, and well he was the dad. Even in international custody cases the kids go to the mom.
This is actually the first time I have felt free to talk about this. Everyone in my family is so heartbroken that no one can really talk about it. Then there is the fact that I do not want to talk about it with my Mom because I do not want her to feel bad about my abandonment issues. That is something I can never talk to her about. I mean, she is my Mom, I do not know any other mom. Even though it happened before I was born it still hurts that I was “rejected” by my biological mother. It makes no sense to me at all. I seriously wish I could get over it because minus a few things my life is so much better because my biological mother recognized that she could not raise a child.
I do not want to say that I am lucky to be adopted; people always get all bent out of shape when you say something like that. It’s like they think that I feel a need to worship my parents for adopting the little brown girl away from a third world country. Well the truth is, they did take me out of a third world country, without that who knows where I would be now. I might not even know how to read or write, and that would be tragic.
I do not know, I would not say that I’m grateful or lucky. Maybe I was just meant to be adopted, like it was serendipity.