So since November I keep meaning to come back and blog more often. I haven’t mostly because I have nothing to say. That is just an excuse though.
I think I have been depressed again, even though I am able to get up and go hang out with friends and do other things the idea of blogging just made me really tired. This entry is going to be short though.
Lately I have been dealing with a health issue that is very personal for me. I have been having very irregular menstrual cycles with heavy bleeding. I do not want to spend too much time on this other than it trigged a huge worry and kind of set of my anxiety.
I want to have children. That was part of the whole reason for going to the gynecologist early this year because I have been menstruating for a long time and I was worried about the number of eggs I might have left. Anyway all of this bleeding has me very worried. So when I am not busy putting on a front for others I am busy curling up into my shell and trying to keep myself from going crazy with worry.
Today, I woke up with a resurgence of the same head cold that I have been dealing since the first week of January, I was cramping, and bleeding pretty much at the same rate that I had been since last Monday, which is a lot. I lay in bed for several minutes. I did not want to move at all.
I wanted to stay at home and wallow. Instead I made a little bargain with myself, if I got up and showered and still felt like crap then I would call out from work. After I showered I lay in bed again for a few more minutes still thinking about calling out from work. I still felt like crap, I hadn’t slept well the night before but I decided that I would just go because I was just feeling bad from the cold but that I could at least do some work.
I think self talk is really important because sometimes you can just talk yourself into doing something. Sometimes people talk themselves into bad things but using self talk to talk yourself into doing good things is just as easy.
No matter what the situation, if you have a cold, or you are having an anxiety attack, stop and take a minute to do an inventory of yourself. A physical inventory (ie breathing, pains, aches) and emotional inventory (hopelessness, joy, sleepiness) and look at all the things that your body is going through. Then start to think about them one by one. If you are feeling like you cannot breath, stop and tell yourself that you can breath, and just keep counting your breaths over and over, even out loud, until you get it down to a normal pace.
If you are feeling that you cannot move and just want to be curled up in a ball look at why you are feeling that way. Sometimes it is okay to be a lump on a log, but other times maybe you are just doing that to avoid interaction with others. If that is the case then think about the last time you had interaction with people, did it go well? If it did not why did it not go well? What could you do differently? It is okay for you to ask yourself questions. These kinds of questions might even let you find triggers which could help you in your recovery process.
I know that self talk does not work for everyone but I find that it works a lot for me. If you are having a hard time with self talk I would suggest that you talk to a therapist, however you can send me your situation and I will try to relate to you how I would use self talk.
Self talk is not a one stop fix all solution but if you work at it then you might be able to get a new perspective on your situation.