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My name is Laney Marie.  In an effort to make my blog more accessible to people I have decided to do a few things

  1. Go from MovableType to WordPress
  2. Link the WP to LiveJournal
  3. Link the WP to Tumblr

One of my friends has been having people message her over Tumblr while she shares her experiences living with Social Anxiety Disorder.  When I first started this blog years ago that was why I decided to create it.  I wanted to share my experiences and give hope to those who are struggling with the same things that I have struggled with my life.

I am a survivor of sexual abuse (specifically incest), acquaintance rape, and have been held let gun point.  I say survivor rather than victim because I have come to a stage in my life were most of the side effects from these experiences have dissipated for me; prove that it does in fact get better.  To read a little bit more about my sexual abuse and rape please go to my disclaimer page or if you are looking at my tumblr you can feel free to send me an ask, I do ask though that if you want specifics that you do not put your ask in anonymous mode.

Also, I am adopted.  I happen to be pretty settled about my adoption but I think it is a good idea for us adopted people to talk openly about any issues that we have with our adoption.  Plus, I also think that it is important for those out there who are thinking adopting a kid to talk to people where adopted.  Also, if you are in a position where you are considering giving up a child for adoption you can feel free to send me questions about it.  I know that it is a hard thing to think about, giving up a child, and I personally think you are very brave to even consider it.

While I am a survivor I do still have to deal with to major issues.  The first is my PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which sometimes can rear it’s ugly head by giving me panic attacks or even by making me horribly pre-judgmental towards someone who does not deserve it.  The second is my GAD, General Anxiety Disorder.  I try not to be an anxious person but there are times where for no good reason at all I start to obsessively worry over just normal every day things.

GAD is kind of hard for me to explain but here is an example of something that happened to me this week:

A few weeks ago I went looking for a mentor. After interviewing several people I finally selected the mentor that I wanted.  Then early this week she sent me an email saying that she would not be able to be my mentor.  I went into a tailspin.  I was suppose to have been helping one of my friends with her medical school applications and gotten half way through proofing an essay for her, that stopped.  I had several tasks at work that I still had to finish, none of them got done.  So instead of just doing what I knew was the right thing to do, contact someone whom expressed being interested in being my mentor, I emailed the program in charge of managing my mentor experience.  The program manager set up a time to call me the next day.  When she talked to me she asked me why I was so panicked, and I could tell that she was thinking that I had some right to worry but not a lot.  So we went through a mock call to my potential new mentor, she said, you knew exactly what to say, you had it all along.  Which probably should have made me feel better but I was still nervous and on top of that I felt judged, like she knew that was an anxiety prone person who couldn’t do anything on their own without getting approval, which is true sometimes.

So that is my life with GAD

Okay that is all I have for today.  I was thinking about exporting all of my posts to tumblr but I am lazy, so if you are on tumblr and want to see some of the older posts than go to http://damaged-girl.net