To eat or not to eat, well really what do you eat?


Hi everyone! So I have started a new diet plan. Basically I am way over my BMI and while it doesn’t bother me too much, because I like my general body shape and having boobs, I must listen to what my doctor is telling me and lose weight because if I don’t do what he says they might be able to deny me a liver transplant down the line if I need one. Not fair!
Anyway basically I have decided to only eat 1350 calories a day. I am not exercising which I know isn’t great but I spend all day on my feet and walking around the store, plus I do walk almost everywhere. Plus when I was on e-diets before they just had me count calories and didn’t worry about exercise, I thought that was weird but oh well. I’m going to try to do some muscle toning every now and then because I don’t want to have skin just hanging off of me when I’m done.
So here is how yesterday went:
I had a total of 1286 calories for the day which was just shy of my goal. I was kind of worried about it because you are suppose to eat at least 1200 and that’s just for basic maintenance and I read that my body actually needs about 2000 calories just to run so I didn’t think that was very good but oh well, I wasn’t about to go over because I only had 64 more calories left. What was I suppose to do?
Today so far I’ve only had 1076 calories which leaves me with 274 calories. I really have to start eating better. The problem is that I choose to eat unhealthy food during the day which leaves me with an odd amount of calories so that I don’t really have enough to eat what I would like to at night and just end up drinking a lot of water so that I don’t feel hungry.
I don’t feel like developing an eating disorder but I really can see myself getting one. I think tomorrow after work I’ll have to try to go to Shaw’s and start buying some frozen meals. It’s the best way besides drinking protein shakes for me to count calories. I get so paranoid that what I eat will have more calories than I think it will that tend not to.

Like today I had a little bit of this cookie that Jen had. Probably less than an 1/8 of it but I counted it as 24 calories because I have no idea how much sugar and butter and what not is in it. I actually had counted it as 44 calories but the sugar cookies that I eat only have 140 calories per cookie so I figured 24 was okay. Even if it wasn’t I’m still way under 1200 calories.
I know it’s really bad for you to be under 1200 calories because it slows your metabolism way down but I really just want to try to see if I can go two weeks without hitting 1200 calories and see how much I can loose. I promised myself I wouldn’t weigh myself every day but the stupid scale is right there in the bathroom. It’s evil I tell you, evil! I keep measuring myself too with a tape measurer, which is also right there in the bathroom. I used to just measure to see if my bust and hip size were the same, now I measure to see if I’ve lost even an 1/8 an inch. So bad! I really have to stop!
I know this whole entry has been about my weight and I started out telling you that I wasn’t that worried but I have OCD so once I start to worry about something I can’t let go. I think I’m well on my way to developing some kind of body dysmorphic disorder, the sad thing is I’m not really sure I care as long as I get back to a good BMI number. Oh well. In a week or two I’ll be back to normal so I wouldn’t worry too much.
Anyway in other exciting news… Sue and I went to Raleigh, NC last weekend. We had a really nice mental vacation, which was great. It really has helped me a lot I’ve noticed. Since I’ve been back I actually thought about calling my mom and not feeling upset about it. Today I actually wanted to call her but I’m going to wait because I want to write down what I feel before I have to talk to her. That way it’s clear.
I’ll post some pictures from the Raleigh trip. There really aren’t that many because we didn’t do anything. We basically just walked around historic Raleigh and just did a lot of talking, like I said it was a mental vacation. A chance to relax instead of speeding around and doing a ton of things, to get away from it all, even though that sounds really cliché.
Well that’s it for now.