June 4, 2015
by Laney
0 comments

Anonymous asked: How do you feel about the Duggers?

How do you feel about the Duggers?

I go back and forth about how I feel about the Duggars. Mostly because I never liked them in the first place. I strongly disagree with all of their beliefs and the majority of the words that come out of their mouths drive me insane.

That being said, the fact that the police report was leaked was awful. It is hurtful both to the victims and to the family. There is much misinterpretation going on about what the family is saying in response to this and a lot of speculation.

It is hard enough to admit that you are a victim to yourself, to your family, or to other people that you care about. Now the Duggar daughters feel like they have to defend themselves because the information that was suppose to be private and secure has been put out for the general public to read and criticize.

A friend texted me today and told me that she heard on the radio that during the interview that the girls were given that they were crying about the show being taken away from them, that they were being punished even though they are the victims.

It turns out that this is incorrect. The girls were actually upset because of the fact that the police report was leaked. The girls have every right to be upset, should they talking to the media? That is a personal decision, but if it was me I would have decided not to do an interview. I might have asked my publicist to put out a general statement that I was upset and hurt by leak of the police report and that my family is handling the situation as best as we are able to. That is all they really owe the media.

We do not know what kind of treatment the son was given. When he was given treatment? Where the girls given treatment? What kind of “safe guards” were put in place to protect the other children? None of this is anyone’s business though. Could or should have the family have handled the situation differently? I firmly believe they did not handle their son sexually abusing their daughters in the right way, however, I am not a medical professional, I am just a survivor of child sexual abuse.

In my opinion Josh should have been removed from the house, the police did not have to be involved but the parents should have still reached out to Child Protective Services (CPS). Employees of CPS are trained in how to handle situations like these and would have been able to ensure that all of the children involved would have received proper treatment.

Is Josh a pedophile as a result of this? Are his own children in danger? The answers to these questions depend on the type of treatment he received. Is there a chance that he could be a pedophile, yes, but it is very important to note that not all instances of child sexual abuse are a result of pedophilia.

Can Josh be reformed? Yes, with proper medical treatment he can be reformed. He might already be reformed, we just do not know. We also should not be trying to put him under a microscope either. The only people who should be involved in his treatment and reform is his family and medical professional.

Do the girls need treatment? Yes, without a doubt. They may need therapy for the rest of their lives because there was a significant level of trust that was broken when they were sexually abused by their brother. He is their brother, they expect him to take care of them, to love them, to protect them. He did none of these things when he sexually abused them.

What happened to the Duggars is awful. It is horrible when any family has to go through this. The pain and hurt that they went through when their son sexually abused their daughters is something that no one can fully understand, not even someone like me who has gone through this myself.

My major issue with the Duggars is that instead of trying to take care of their childern it seems more like they are trying to protect their reputation and their brand. This does not surprise me given the actions of the parents when they found out about the abuse that was happening.

I hope that the family is able to get the help that they need to deal with this situation. I honestly believe that the best thing for them would be to take themselves out of the spotlight and work on rebuilding their relationship as a family.

 

Note: This question was asked via my tumblr page. If you have other questions you would like to ask please feel free to send them in: Ask Damaged-Girl[dot]net

February 20, 2014
by Laney
0 comments

And we are back!

So…Wow!

I know it has been awhile since I’ve been able to post both here and on my tumblr. I got very discouraged for a long time because I was having crossposting issues. I like to put my long posts here and sometimes do shorter posts on tumblr. If anyone knows how to have tumblr posts automatically pushed to wordpress script blog (that isn’t hosted on wordpress) could you please let me know? Up until this morning I did have that feature but it seems to be gone now and I’m not sure what I did to make it go away.

Okay, well what do you want to talk about?

Here is a list of things, aka triggers, that I am willing to talk about and answer questions about. I putting these all below a more cut just in case. Sometimes just the word can be a trigger for someone

TRIGGER WARNING – Multiple Possible Triggers below

Continue Reading →

February 19, 2014
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Anonymous:

So I have these two friends. Basically I feel like one of them used me to get close to the other. And I had to force friend B to talk to friend A in the first place. Now it feels like they have both dropped me and are always meeting in secret. It is hurting my self-esteem and really triggering my abandonment issues.

Hi there Anon!

I wish I had a good answer for this for you. Being adopted I completely understand abandonment issues. It is a hard thing to deal with and even harder to overcome because it is about telling yourself that you are good enough and not giving another person the power to make you feel bad about yourself. I think this is probably something that people who are not adopted deal with as well. Anyone can have abandonment issues for any reason.

I know that it might not feel like you can talk to either of your friends about it. I am sure that you probably feel like if you talked to them they would think that you were being clingy, needy, or overly sensitive. You should know that you have the right to feel whatever way you feel about it. Your emotions are your own and you should not be made to feel bad about them.

If you do decide to talk to them I would recommend using “I feel” statements. Those are very good because it helps you convey your emotions without assigning blame to the other person. That is really the only suggestion that I can give to you as far as how to deal with the situation and maybe come to some kind of resolution.

If you really absolutely feel like you cannot talk to them no matter what then I recommend surrounding yourself with things and people that make you feel good. Sometimes avoidance is solution, maybe not a healthy one but it might be the one that your psyche can handle at the time.

Good luck!

Laterz,
Laney

February 19, 2014
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I worry – tw: rape, tw: panic attack

I worry about people a lot. More than I worry about myself. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine who was going out rather late. I asked that friend to text me when they got home. I always do this if someone tells they are going out and I notice it is late.

I know I’m not the only person who does this. I was out with one of my other friends one night and I thought that I had texted her that I was home. I feel asleep before I actually sent the text. She drove to my house to make sure that I had made it home safe. I felt really bad the next day but I totally understand where she is coming from.

I am not sure if it has to do with the acquaintance rape or the being held up at gun point but if someone tells me they are going out late at night by themselves I worry.

It also could just be my GAD. I think I said I went of my medication. It’s been 3 months now and I’ve not had a real panic attack. I’ve been depressed but I think that is mostly just the weather. I actually think I’m doing fairly well for being off my medication. Not having a panic attack is a pretty big deal. Yay for me!

Oh if there is a trigger warning for being held up a gun point can someone please let me know what it is? Thanks!

(edited to keep some anonymity)

January 28, 2014
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0 comments

Anonymous:

Are you still there? I’ve gone through some of your old posts and it is nice that you’ve been so open about what you have been through. But you’ve not written anything in awhile so I wanted to know if you were still there and if you still answer questions.

Hello Anon,

Yes, I am still here. I still receive notifications on this blog so anyone can come and ask me questions at any time. I have no problem with that. I am sorry that I have not had much to say in terms of posting what I have been dealing with the last year. Mostly, my life is kind of boring.

However, I am always here for anyone who wants to talk about any of the issues that I have written about, or even ones that I have not but you think I may be of some help with.

You can always reach out to me.

Take care,
Laney

January 20, 2014
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0 comments

TW: Depression

I really don’t like winter. I swear winter makes everything worse. My anxiety gets worse, my depression gets worse. I get annoyed much more easily. I’m more insecure than ever.

Can I please take a break from winter? At least for a little while? That would be awesome. That way I can cheer up just enough to get myself to spring. I might have to go back on the drugs again. I don’t want to. I just got myself off them but I think it is not good. I am still waiting to see.

November 7, 2013
by Laney
0 comments

Betrayal – Why Is It Worse for People with GAD

So for almost 4 years I had a friendship with someone that I thought I was really close to.  I have blogged about it before.  Now I found out that she is going around telling everyone that I was stalking her.  Um, yeah, no.  I am not a stalker.

I’m not sure what her deal is but I have blocked her pretty much on every single social media website I have access to and I’ve blocked her on my phone.  I even set up an auto-trash filter on my email.  So hopefully that will all be behind me.

It’s too much for me really.  I really trusted her with a lot of information about me and she totally betrayed my trust.  I feel really alone now.  I am trying not to focus on it but it is super hard.  This is why I never let people in.

I don’t really know what to do with myself.  I joined another RP group but I think I am going to have to step-down.  I am just not feeling it anymore.  I feel bad because it has kind of been fun working with them but I think I just want to be done with anything that I associate with this person for awhile.

I am getting back into graphics though.  Annabelle is writing her reviews of TV Shows again and has been asking me to do graphics for her, so I think I will.  I had been doing some graphic requests from the BDB fandom for to RPers that are on tumblr.  I am not sure I will do that anymore but any other graphic type things I would not be opposed to.

Here is my fandom/graphics tumblr – http://psi-chick.tumblr.com/.  There is not much there but there it is. Hopefully I’ll fill it with more stuff later.

Oh I did give my LJ to Anna, I’m not using it and it is a paid lifetime account.  She crossposts everywhere so she should have it.  I think it still has my LJ username.  If you were following me on LJ umm stop? I guess. I don’t know. I am going to weblog and tumblr based so that’s how you can find me.

September 8, 2013
by Laney
0 comments

Why am I always THAT person?

So about a month ago I was in what they call an “RPG” or Role Play Group for this book series that I am not the hugest fan of.  I was doing it for my friend though, because she wanted me there and then some stupid stuff happened with some of the other players and I got “too emotional” and “too sensitive” and basically as kicked out of the group.

Of course all of this was happening at the same time that I have being going to through all of this shit with my family.  One week S is moving out, the next week he isn’t.  Then he says to my parents that “maybe he should just commit suicide” cause doesn’t like what my mom is saying to him.  My mom is worried that N is losing weight too fast.  My dad was in the hospital.

So yeah, sorry that I might seem “too emotional” and “too sensitive”, ugh I hate when people say that to me.  It just makes me feel like they are not respecting my emotions or me as a person at all.  And I would understand if I was a drama queen, but I have all this other shit going on in my life right now so pardon me if my ability to compartmentalize is a little bit taxed right now.  I use most of my energy to get through the day and make sure I don’t have a break down at work.  Yeah, because me having a job and being able to keep a roof over my head is like my top priority.

Anyway, it has really made me think about a lot of other things too.  Mostly because I wanted to figure out why I was so torn up about this, and leaving the group.  I mean I was fine with being kicked out because I wanted to save my friendship.  Yeah it sucked to lose touch with the other players but they weren’t real friends and I was trying to save the friendship that I had.  It also sucked because I did feel like my friend was not respecting my emotions at all.  The worst part is she just wants to “move on”.  I do not do that well.  I hate that.  I am sorry but she said that I called her a liar, when I didn’t, and then cut off contact with me for like a week and half.  And we used to talk every day.

It is no secret that I have abandonment issues.  My friend knows this because I’ve told her and she knows about the adoption and she has some firsthand knowledge herself.  I lost a really close friend of mine about 9 months ago, because I could not be there for her in the way that she wanted me to.  It broke me up, it still does when I think about it.  And this woman knew all this but she still put me through hell for a week and half even after I told her that I wasn’t calling her a liar.

So now I am mad because she does not want to talk about it.  I just don’t know.  She says everything is okay but it does not feel okay to me at all.

The other thing that is really bothering me and why I am so sad today is this: Why am I always the friend that messages/calls/emails first?  I do not understand this at all.  I always feel like I am the one that is trying so hard to keep all of my friendships a float.  And it sucks!!  I don’t want to be mad at my friends but I am now that I think about it.  I would like for once, just once, for one of them to call me or text me and be like, hey, do you want to go do something today?  Is that so much to ask?

I have never had that kind of friend.  So I have to wonder, what is wrong with me?  Why do I always seem to pick people to be friends with who don’t call me?  Or, do I do something that makes people feel like they shouldn’t call me?   I just don’t know.  I wish I could figure it out.  My parents are the same way.  I am always calling them first.  I am so tired of this.  LIKE SO TIRED!

August 21, 2013
by Laney
0 comments

TW – Trigger Warning – FML

FML

Seriously.  So in my life outside of the internet I am very shy and very introverted.  It takes me along time to trust people.  This could be from any number of things: my adoption, my sexual abuse, my rape, or being held up at gun point.  Who knows, but I have serious trust issues.  I only trust very people who actually know me, my real name and what not, with my secrets.  It seems odd considering the fact that I blog about it, but I do not tell you people who I am or how to find me.

So my trust issues mixed with my anxiety disorder makes for a very needy, clingy, but loyal friend.  I sometimes tell people bits and pieces because I do not want to scare them off.  Am I ashamed of what has happened to me, probably there is a little bit of shame about the rape, because if I wasn’t me but I knew all about me well I would go running as fast as I could in the other direction.  But I am stuck with me.

Last year, well almost last year, one of the people who knew all of my secrets decided she could no longer be my friend.  I do not blame her, she needed me and as much as I wanted to be there for her I could not.  I knew that she might end our friendship over it, but there was just no way around it.  I had warning for this though, so I was ready.

Now though, one of my very good friends, whom I’ve trusted with everything, well I do not know what to do.  She started having issues with me because of a group we were in together.  So I told her that I would the group.  Then when I was talking to someone from the group about the whole situation that person repeated something to me that was basically word for word what I told my friend in private, offline.  I was completely dumbfounded.  At first I was mad.  I thought she had betrayed my trust.  Then I was like, no let me at least ask her first.  Find out what the deal is, it could just be a coincidence.

So I asked her about it.  I told her: look, I was taking to person X and they said something that I had told you offline, that is totally fine and it is your right to tell her but I was just shocked about it.  She told me that she did not share that information and I said, okay, I believe you, I just was shocked to see my words from someone whom I thought they were not told to.

My friend did not text me back later that day.  So I finally texted her again.  And then again. And finally I was like, look if you need time can you please let me know, because I cannot tell what is going on.  She said I basically accused her of being a liar so yeah she was going to need time.  I never called her a liar.  I’ve tried telling her over and over that I never have.  I even went through the messages again.  I’ve told her I’m sorry it came across that way.

I just told her that I will keep messaging her and tell her that I am sorry everyday.  She said she needed more time.  I told her I cannot do that, I will not loose another friend.  The only way I know how to save our friendship is to keep apologizing to her.

Now I have to go out and be cheery with some of my other friends.  When all I want to do is curl up in bed and just cry and cry and cry.

I have no idea how I am going to go on.  I feel like she will never believe me again and even if she talks to me again it will never be the same because she will always think that I accused her of being a liar.  I just want to run away.  I want to go away and never have to deal with any of this ever again.